Hidden

“All men are called to this union with Christ, who is the light of the world, from whom we go forth, through whom we live, and toward whom our whole life strains.” Lumen Gentium 3

Hidden

You have hidden Your face
from me again, O God.
Searching for You
plagues me each dawn.

Moving from tears to
sadness to darkness.
Alone in a room full
of books, banished.

Your lingering presence
grasped at, keeps yearning.
Longing to run into You
feeling swiftly carried.

So far away, yet here
with You still.
Reaching from soundless spirit
for Your face.


I feel lost sometimes when the darkness descends. Not darkness from the ways of the ungodly, not despair. But the darkness that occurs when you reach for your Beloved and He’s not near you – or so it feels. He is always there when needed and when you feel His presence, His light, in your need, you are overcome with joy, on fire, and then He vanishes! Having filled you, He swiftly leaves. You are left with the rush of winds blown through your very soul - soundless. This place within you has again become a cavity, a deeper abyss, utterly still. You wonder to yourself, how vast is this place within me, how deep has it become, how far has it been plumbed now? Every moment spent with your Beloved fills the vastness ever more with each visit and you empty it all around you, filling in all the cracks in humanity, every little nook and cranny where it is needed. And you look up again in prayer searching for your Beloved, the one who filled you so with such joy and such incredible, unspeakable love, it could barely be contained and spilled out all around you noiselessly. People see you not understanding this flame of love carried within you. You are different somehow they sense. In your difference and separateness, He teaches you about the world and creatures around you, whispering within you the lesson needed to be learned and lovingly admonishing your mistakes. And you are left helpless, wordless to explain this feeling, this place within you. And it is the only place where you want to dwell – sheltered with your Beloved. Hidden from the eyes of others. You surrender to this place within, that craves solitude, wanting no attention from others in the world. But it is not to be. You are carried constantly out of yourself in a rush of movement, carrying your Beloved to wherever He needs to be. And you stand there astonished and in awe of how you come to be where you are placed – filling others in their need! And you see the light in their eyes when the perfect moment has occurred and their soul, their spirit, the essence of them that was in need has been touched. The moment becomes a living prayer! God has passed through you to them and you quietly watch in awe the wonders of your Beloved.